“And then I cried a flood of tears as if I really were a mermaid who had absorbed too much sea into herself. The tears spilled like a balm, like a potion, like a charm. In them swam a little girl whose father was dying without ever having seen her. In them swam a girl whose mother’s magic – the only thing the girl envied more than anything else in the world, the thing that had made her invisible, the most precious thing –might be dying too. In them swam a green-haired girl who had never been touched by the boy to whom she was so devoted that she would have lived with him forever in a shack by the sea or a ruined sand castle even if he never made love to her. My tears were for me, but they were also for him. They were to wash away the thing that had frightened him so much so long ago. The wound inside his thigh. My tears poured out of me and he drank them down his throat. He drank them in gulps deep into himself, swallowing sorrow. ‘Someday,’ he said, ‘when we are ready, I will give you back your tears.’“ 
—Francesca Lia Block

“You are made out of rays of sunshine and cool breeze. You make me feel that you are the morning dew that wakes my spirit up every waking day. You are my spring tide and my autumn mist which brings back all the bravery back in my every cell. You are like a canopy of strange attraction which melts my soul in every view I make of you. All sorts of peculiar awesomeness and labyrinth of crazy stems of secrecy is my kick board of extreme craving to the person that you are. You are a drug. Addicting I must say. I like you. You are a pinch of pain whenever I realize that I cannot hold you right now. “

“Today I am reminded of the plans that I had for us, that imagination of coming up with a beautiful pair with you. I could still vividly recall the moment I entered that room wherein no less of a gorgeous memory was made. Then I went back to the reality that that room burned down some ages ago but our memories still haunt the place. It’s a scary and bittersweet truth that chasing after you, even though I run for miles won’t get me any inch closer to you. That’s how far you are. But maybe when you remember the days I used to rest my head on your shoulder and look at you in the eyes, the burning fire of emotions would make you change a bit of what you are right now. If ever you need a bit of information, just ask. But one thing is for certain,the race ends now and no piece of me will chase after you. I can manage to exist because I am not a part of that room that burned down.”

“I’m afraid to be alone.” She said. Not looking at him. Not looking at him at all.

“That’s why I am here.” He glanced at her and saw her fear that was indeed all over.

“That’s the point. You are here but why do I feel so alone? Where are you when I need you? I can’t feel you when we talk. You are always that guy who got the world on his shoulders and in no second am I even a part of that world. You are here but you make me feel so alone. But I’m afraid to be alone.”

At the next seconds, she realized that she was talking to herself.

The ocean tides are high as I see them. More than the serene sound of waves hitting the shore of glittering sand, your slow breaths is my morning lullaby. I glanced at your face being lighted by the rising sun at the break of the morning. I took a deep sigh and told to myself how beautiful your face could be even in the morning. My fingers brushed your cheeks. My eyes stared at your lashes and brows. My nose smelled your hair. My lips kissed your forehead and there you are, waking up from your solemn slumber. 

You mouthed good morning and smiled while eyes still half closed.

I said nothing and just touched your face and there I am, having the most wonderful gift to start my day. If there is just one word that could encapsulate all my thoughts, I would say it straight to you. You are lovely, my dear, lovely to have every morning and every day of my life. 

And there you go, walking alone and kicking the dried leaves in front of you like they are at fault for everything that you are. You sip coffee when you wanted tea. You watch action when you wanted romance. Nothing comes easy but then again, though you work hard not a single entity comes to you. Reality and truth. Two things you hate to combine. It bites you hard and makes you bleed profusely. Then you feel down again. You can never heal.

Still walking alone, still kicking rocks and leaves. You find that single ray of hope in the far end of the horizon. You think to yourself that this may be another qualified false hope that you get all the time. You sigh. You feel down again. You can never be hopeful.

Such is life I tell you. Not all things is yours, only some. But then again you sometimes work hard, feel down, feel hopeless. You can still heal. You can still hope. You can still work. This day is still yours for the taking. 

You fall down but it is your choice whether you fall forward or fall backward. We can never tell. One can though. It’s you.

She thought she’d never feel that feeling again. That feeling of being cheered up when the sphere is all down. That feeling of being surprised on a tiring day of work and that feeling of being not alone anymore. She always knew that this moment is near impossible but then again, with a little twist of fate and destiny’s playful kick, coincidence never got this best. The best indeed for she found nothing less than the best. Finally, what she deserved at long last arrived…and he is here to stay.

“I don’t get it most of the time. I strive to be better and my days are just devoted  to fix things but every time I try, my hopes just crush down in a second. I feel like I am the most unloved, disregarded and worthless person ever living.” She looked at him earnestly and stopped for a minute. Without all knowing, she started to cry again.

“I feel that sometimes, being not enough or not appreciated and even not seen as who you are. Problems become more important then it all falls down. Nothing becomes more worse when that person whom you expected to be with you is the reason for all of this suffering and that person is even unavailable to even just accommodate you to hear what you have to say. I feel that sometimes…not sometimes but always.” He told her smiling while remembering the days.

She took it all. She embraced the pain and in as much as she wanted to stop crying, the more she does. He gave her a pat on the back. “You’ll get by.”

The unbreakable silence thereafter gave the signal that they are not alone in their struggle to finding out of what has been. Stoked by the moment, high hopes came again and this time, they got each other. 

And then she was thinking that maybe, just maybe, all things will soon go away.

These simple and shallow things that she made part of her world will just be the lost pigments of her failed connection with him. It is so tragic to realize that the happiness with him would just be of lesser degree when she is away from him. That radiance of spark that she knew is just a part of the bigger light in a bigger opportunity if only she has to let go. 

It hurts her. It kills her just because she expected too much and craved for too much. 

Nothing last forever specially when someone is not for you. She ached to think of this but she is still to weak to convince her stubborn self that this is the truth.

She was sorry the whole time but he was in no place aware of her suffering.

They were sitting and waiting everyone else to arrive. They were tired from the long day of laughing and enjoying the company that they missed. It’s been a while since they met and the day was made perfect just for them and for them only.

She was resting her head on his shoulders and his hands are resting on her knees. He was tired but he chose to caress her hair as she sleeps. He was sure that as he look at her, she was someone to remember and always go back to.

The radio was playing an old song. She opened her eyes just to see that they are still waiting. She instead listened to the song and realized that the lyrics are pointing to them. She absorbed every music and lyrics.

She hugged his arm tight right away and said nothing. She just confirmed to herself that no matter what happens, he will make him the most consistent person in her life and not let the long separation happen again.

She looked at him and this time, he was the one who is already sleeping.

The wait is over. Everyone already arrived. They are ready to leave. Ready to go home.

The cold sphere caught us in a glimpse. I held your hand and felt the rush of life in your every vain. I wished to stay long but as the night deepens and as the stars fade, we both know that something in between us will also be. We exchanged sighs and sights. We inhaled every exhale of the other and by that last blink of yours, I marked the moment of our temporary aches and longing. We turned into shadows of our memory and the past will be the only venue for us to reminisce what used to be our present and our future. Be safe darling.

Days pass. All of them were fast

I gaze at the times when I can recognize

The faces, the time and what is absolutely mine

Then something told me that they will all pass

Pass by me, in my face, in my memory

I’m ready this time

After all these, I will swallow what is left of me

I will still thank thee for all the misery

I got my due. I am done with you.

She pucked her lips, batted her eyelashes, twirled her hair and turned around with her skirt rounding in the air. She smiled in the mirror and sprayed her perfume. She checked herself again if she is alright and if she is ready for this.

“He is here. C’mon faster dear. Go down now.” Her mother called her excitingly.

She gasped as she noticed that it is here, here is now. She stared at herself again for the last time and put on her shoes and went down. There he is waiting for her downstairs and in awe of her extreme beauty.

“I do not know what to say. I—I. Heh. You are so pretty.” He said it while stuttering because it was his first time to see her that way…beautiful and gorgeous.

“Take care the both of you. And you,  take care of her. May you have fun at the prom.” She kissed her daughter goodbye and hugged his husband as they watched them venture with the night.

“I couldn’t thank you much for allowing me to take you to the prom. You know, it was like we just pass by each other in school but I can’t believe that I am having you as my date tonight. Thank you. “ He said, still stuttering.

“I couldn’t thank you much for choosing me to go with you to the prom. I just watch you pass by me and I pretend to myself that you will invite me. I can’t believe that I am having you as my date tonight. Thank you.” She said unexpectedly. It just came out naturally. Like a word vomit.

He stopped for a minute. They stared at each other. Today, their lives begin.

“Please look at me now, in my eyes. Please. Tell me that you do not love me anymore.” He sighed the deepest sigh he could do and tears are now running down his cheeks. He pleaded for her not to go. 

“I cannot take this anymore. The more you love, the more you hurt. I am sorry if I have to leave you now. It’ll just be this one time that I have to risk the heartbreak for our betterment.” 

He grabbed her hands, she retreated and her anger grew. He was crying like a baby now. He sees his self as a hopeless being longing to be embraced and be reminded that this too shall pass. Everything will be alright. But no, this is not it. He pleaded again.

“Please remember all the times when you used to tell me that you love me and promised to stay with me all your life! Please remember. Please. How could you forget them all and close-mindedly leave me alone? I am sorry if I hurt you. It was not my intention but please, forgive me and stay. Please.” His cry grew louder. He cannot breathe that well anymore.

“Take a good look on my face, you won’t see me ever again.”

His tears are flowing unstoppingly. He embraced her as tight as he could but he is emotionally defeated that she easily got out of his arms. He is the weakest thing that ever happened in that very moment. They fell apart and as soon as it happened, he knew right away that there is no more she in his life. She left him without second thoughts.

“Please. I am begging you. Long way before we used to be happy. Please. I love you and stay. I will not be able to endure the pain if you leave!” Kneeling, he grabbed her hand again. 

Not looking back, she left. For real. He cannot do anything for he cannot see a thing. His eyes are flooded with tears. His heart are filled with pain. He becomes one with agony.